I Love You

This expression has become the cheapest cluster of words in today's society.  All it takes is a few dashes of the fingers against the phone screen, and you have successfully relayed a message that, sixty years ago, was scarcely said to anyone outside of one's romantic interest or nuclear family.  Now it is thrown around in the most vulgar fashion, no longer on a pedestal but only slightly elevated above "Hello" and "Thank you."

Sometimes I watch 90s shows, and I note that these couples will spend several seasons dating and developing a deep bond before saying those once-sublime words.  And when they finally say them? Oh man.  Something major changes.  It is comparable to coming to the top of a hill in second gear and descending the other side in third.  It is not vastly different from water, long contained, finally undammed and permitted to expand into new territory.  A generation ago, it caused a gasp in the audience.

Now a girl will know a guy two months and text him, "I love you" because inside, she believes she feels it.  She looks at this man and thinks, "He is everything I want.  He is so kind to me, such a good listener, so sweet, so thoughtful, so attentive, so funny, so attractive, so godly....I have to text him! I have to see him today! I have to tell my friends and coworkers about him! I love him!"

Four months later, she sits down with that same man and says, "You're everything I want, but I never fell in love with you."

What?

Really?

Here is something to consider: being "in love," whatever that means in this modern over-Disneyfied generation, will not be sufficient when you need to push your 85-year-old spouse around in a wheelchair because he no longer has the strength to walk.  Being "in love" will not be enough to clean the sheets when your spouse has wet the bed again.  Being "in love" will not be enough when you have suffered so much loss and pain that you just want to die, and you desire your spouse's comfort.

No, "being in love" is a sham.  It's a whirlwind of feelings that you get at the beginning, when that person seems so flawless and takes your breath away.  It's fun and feels good, but it's not going to be there forever.

And anyway, would you rather have a relationship predicated on a whirlwind of feelings or on the Word of God? Because when I read the Word, I see love as constant sacrifice of oneself for the good of another.  I see Jesus' life marked by service to the ones He loved.  I see His gentleness, kindness, and patience with the objects of His affection.

No, dear, you were in love.  But when things got tough and what remained was the muck, the mire, the struggle, and the daily grit, the sense of awe that you had after two months was suddenly lulled to sleep.  The "feeling" aspect of love took a hiatus, and you were left with the "doing" side of it.  Your problem is not that you never fell in love; it's that you do not know how to "do" love.  And that isn't your fault.

But it is your fault that you played with those sacred words when it was not your right to do so.  You spoke them into existence when you did not have the substance within to ground them.  Your love has a shallow root and cannot stand when the winds of trial blow.

Learn how to love.  Learn that love is sacrifice, kindness, respect, and patience.  Once you have figured that out, those words will be yours to use once again.

And this time, you will mean them.