"He soon came to the house of his former girlfriend, Awana Humphfree. When he rang the doorbell, she answered the door, and he was taken aback by her beauty. Her spiked hair had been dyed as red as blood. Her face was long and furry like that of a Cocker Spaniel. Facial hear [sic] jutted from above her upper lip. One of her eyes was green, the other blackish-hazel. Her ears were festooned with heavy earrings shaped like Christmas trees. She was extremely emaciated, not weighing a pound above 75 pounds."
I hope you enjoy the second installment of "Happy Halloween! 2."
The only remotely fitting description of his parents’ countenances upon the arrival of the group at their home is incredulous. Jonathan’s mother, who sat with an open book in one hand and a mug in the other, looked at the six strangers, blinked, and checked her coffee for potential defects. His father was changing a light bulb when they burst through the front door, and at the first sight of them, he stopped twisting in a new bulb and stared. Jonathan ignored them and approached his room. He heard the scuffing of someone’s shoes on the floor behind him, and as he turned around, he realized that his new friends were standing awkwardly near the door.
“Oh, duh, I’m sorry, guys. Mom, Dad, these are my new friends: Pumpkin,
Witch, Ghost, Frankenstein’s monster, Bat, and Cat. I’m sure you can figure out who’s who. Guys, these are my parents.”
There was a muddle of uncomfortable sounds exchanged
between both parties, and then Jonathan’s mother looked at her son, her
eyebrows furrowed. “Jonathan, can you
please tell me why you brought a bat
into my house? Do you know the kinds of diseases those things carry around?”
“Yes. Rabies,
histoplasmosis, the croup, elephantitis, et cetera.”
“Exactly. You seem
to be well informed. Knowing this, you
still brought one of these beasts in here?”
“Come on, Mom.
It’s Halloween. Where’s your
holiday spirit?”
She looked at him quizzically. “What does its hollow wing have to do with a
holiday?”
He sighed and looked at the floor. “I guess it’s true. Apo really has taken away the holiday spirit.” His gaze returned to her. “I’m sorry, Mom. I need to grab something really fast, and
then I’ll get it out of here. Ok?”
She mumbled something in response and continued to read. The companions then noticed that Jonathan’s
father had disappeared from the room. He
appeared moments later, wearing a flowery apron and holding a tray full of
muffins. As he offered them to the
group, Jonathan made his way to his room again.
Pumpkin followed.
“You know, Pumpkin, you can stay out there with them,”
Jonathan offered. “I get the feeling
that things might get uncomfortable out there, so maybe you can help.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that.” Pumpkin smiled at him. Of course, as he was a pumpkin with certain
features carved into his face (some might therefore call him a
“jack-o-lantern,” which would be a bad idea), he always smiled. “Ghost will have them rolling with laughter
by the time we’re ready to leave. He’s
good at that sort of thing.”
Jonathan opened his door, and Pumpkin was shocked by the
first thing his new friend did once they entered. The boy swept a few feet across the floor
and, like an elegant swan rising gracefully from a stretch of water, threw out
his arms and soared through the air.
Though he may not have sworn on it in later days, Pumpkin was fairly
sure that he let out a high-pitched honk in the middle of his ascent. He came crashing down on the bed in the
middle of his room, causing blankets and pillows to scatter in his wake. Initially, Pumpkin thought that he was just
showing off—and doing a poor job of it.
He changed his mind when he found that Jonathan was paying no attention
to him whatsoever; in fact, once he had landed, his eyes ignored everything
except a toy unicorn on top of a side table next to his bed. He seized the item, slipped off the edge of
his bed, and held his beloved high in the air.
As sunlight fell through an open window on the other side of the room,
it soaked the unicorn in a golden splendor and brought forth sparkles, the likes
of which Pumpkin had never seen.
Jonathan was clearly awed by what was taking place, but Pumpkin shook
his head—er, body—and turned to the side.
To his chagrin, he discovered that the walls were pink and just as sparkly as the
toy.
“Isn’t she beautiful, Pumpkin?” the boy asked, his eyes
reflecting the unicorn’s many sparkles.
“She’s…stunning, Jonathan,” said the squash. “And I’m glad to see you so…happy after
hearing the bad news about Professor Apo only a few minutes ago. But I have to say, shouldn’t we grab your
weapon and get out of here?”
“Are you hitting on me, Pumpkin?”
“Believe me, if I wanted to hit on someone, I’d do a much
better job than that.” Pumpkin crossed his arms. “Come on, my fearless leader, get your weapon and let’s go.”
“Oh, but this is
my weapon!” Jonathan finally stopped holding the toy unicorn in the sunlight
and cradled it in front of him. “Don’t
let her undeniable wonder fool you!”
“Right.”
“Ok, almost ready!” The boy grabbed a backpack and
started throwing junk of all sorts into it: a hat, small bags of potato chips,
deodorant, body spray, a toothbrush and toothpaste, floss, motor oil, a
plunger, a paper airplane, a ukulele, some dusty records, his pet lizard Steve,
and a trophy from the year he took ballet.
Not sure of the length of the upcoming journey, he thought it would be a
good idea to pack some clothes. Pumpkin
came to his side and was about to ask him how much longer he would be, when he
pulled open the bottom drawer of his dresser.
What Pumpkin saw there stopped him dead in his tracks and interrupted
his words. At the back of the drawer,
lying across neatly folded clothes of all colors, was a sheathed short
sword. Jonathan mumbled something about
the sword always getting in the way, and he pushed it farther back into the
drawer as he searched for clothes he fancied at this time. Pumpkin tried to kick him but failed, his
legs far too short to complete his goal.
Instead, he tapped Jonathan’s legs a few times.
“Yes, Pumpkin?”
“Are you insane?”
“Why do they ask that all the time? Crazy people.”
Jonathan grabbed a bright orange shirt and some black jeans. “Ooh….Perfect!”
“My friend, that’s a perfectly good sword. A perfectly good weapon. And you’re just
leaving it here?”
“Oh, it has nothing on Ms. Unicorn. Just some useless relic.”
Pumpkin tried to conjure a look of annoyance in his face,
but there was no hope. He should know by
now. “Fine, can I use this ‘useless relic,’ then?”
Jonathan gestured toward the blade. “Be my guest.”
Pumpkin jumped into the drawer, took out the sword, and
hopped back onto the ground. He drew it,
and the shredding sound it made as it left the sheath satisfied him. He had anticipated a ringing sound, but
apparently all of Hollywood was deceiving the world with its fake sound
effects. The sword was quite heavy,
especially for a pumpkin several inches shy of two feet, but he expected that
his arms would adjust the longer he used it.
The blade was thin but sharp; it was obviously built for speed rather
than brute strength. Not a blemish
marked its surface. He swung it around,
his first few moves quite clumsy, but he seemed to pick it up quickly. Before long, he was leaping around the room,
twirling through the air and slicing left and right with brilliant
finesse. Jonathan finished packing and
watched him for a minute or two, cheering him on with many a “Whoa!” and a
“Yeah!” and “I’ve never seen anything like that!” and “Watch out for my
dresser!” Pumpkin realized that he had a spectator, and so he quit his fine
display of swordplay. He looked at
Jonathan and asked, “So, are you ready?”
“Yuppers,” the boy answered. “Let’s do this thing.”
They returned to the family room and found Jonathan’s
parents at separate parts of the room, lying on their sides on the floor. At first, Jonathan was worried that they were
hurt. Before he could check on them,
however, he saw that they were laughing uncontrollably. The Halloween companions were still standing
awkwardly by the door, and they looked at Jonathan and Pumpkin, urging them
with their eyes to leave as quickly as possible. The room brimmed with laughter, but somehow
Jonathan’s mom managed to squeeze in the words, “Oh my goodness, Ghost, Ghost,
you have to tell them the one about
the cup and the water. It’s hilarious!”
“Um...ok,” Ghost said, scratching his immaterial
head. “Uh…may I please have another cup
of water?”
“Pffft!” Jonathan’s mom exclaimed, continuing her fierce
chortling. “Oh God, Ghost, where do you
get this stuff?”
Jonathan palmed his face and shook his head. “Ugh.
Ok, Mom, Dad, keep doing your thing.
I’m going on an adventure, and I don’t know when I’ll be coming back
again. So bye.”
“Ok, son!” his father replied. “Don’t get lost, now. And if you need a cup of water, we’ll be
here!”
“I’m sure you will.” Jonathan turned to his friends. “Everyone ready?”
“Yep, nice to meet you guys, you have a beautiful home,
thanks for the water and muffins!” they yelled, their voices collecting in a
nearly incoherent jumble as they shuffled quickly out the front door. Jonathan and Pumpkin followed, and once they
had shut the door, Bat said, “I gotta admit, your parents are freaks.”
“Oh, I know,” responded Jonathan. “How we’re related, I have no idea.”
“I know, right?” Pumpkin joined it. “It’s not like you’re weird. Not at all.”
The sun was already falling through the western sky,
untouched by clouds that had traipsed across its eastern expanse most of the
day. The small town, wedged between
verdant mountains in the west and rolling hills to the east, was quiet. Save for the seven companions, the streets
were empty. They took the main road
north toward open country, and each member felt the silence covering the land
like a blanket. Jonathan, though hopeful
about his quest with his weapon now in hand, and with the knowledge that a
proficient swordsman partook in the company, could not help but feel
dismal. There was nothing remarkable
about the yards of the homes around him; it seemed that, once people had lost
their holiday spirit, they had all taken down their festive Halloween décor and
left their yards in their usual state.
Jonathan remembered the many years of trick-or-treating that lay behind
him. His parents used to guide him
around the neighborhood on that night every year, bringing a bag with them that
could only fit a few handfuls worth of candy.
Of course, they finally stopped this two years ago, finding it difficult
to let go of their “little boy.” The
following year Ms. Unicorn accompanied him, but for some reason, she did not
seem too interested in candy. Last year
he had gone with Awana, and they had a wonderful time. He could not bear to think of the children in
this town, or in any other, living without something so integral to the culture
and growing up in general.
They traveled at an unhurried pace, talking little,
except for the occasional screeches and meows exchanged between Bat and
Cat. Jonathan also asked them how it
felt being storybook characters brought to life, but they seemed confused by
the question. Frankenstein’s monster was
rather offended after hearing it, and he grew even quieter after muttering something
about having been just as alive as any normal human for the entirety of his
existence. The green haze of the
northern fields drew near; at that point they would take a left turn and follow
a country road west until they reached the foothills. From there, they would have to scout out the
professor’s encampment, as even Kory Labarga himself had had no clue as to his
exact whereabouts. Jonathan imagined
that this task would not prove difficult, for if they did not see the camp
itself, he imagined that the experiments conducted in the mountain lab would
give off some signal of its presence.
When they had come within a hundred yards of the country
road, a strange sound pierced the air to their right. The Halloween friends imagined that Professor
Apo had conjured some foul beast from the deep abyss of his lab, and had now
loosed it upon the innocent town.
Pumpkin gripped the handle of his sword with both hands. Jonathan smirked. He knew that voice. They turned to the right and saw Awana
sprinting down the front lawn of her house with a smile as large as the sun,
waving her arms in the air. Along the
way she tripped on a tree root and fell on some rocks lining the outer edge of
the yard, scraping her knee severely and bruising various other parts of her
body. She rose almost instantly, none of
her excitement depleted from the unfortunate accident. Then she limped her way to the group and,
holding the bloody mess that was her left knee, she said, “Hey there, Johnny
boy” in a voice that one could almost consider seductive. Almost.
“Hey,” he replied, running his finger over the toy
unicorn. “Is your knee ok?”
“Oh. My. Gosh.
You are such a sweetie for asking!
It’ll be fine. Though I might
need stitches…or some complicated and expensive surgery.” She wiped her running nose and looked at the
confused faces behind her friend. “Who
are they?” Her voice swelled with
jealousy.
“Oh, um….” Jonathan sounded guilty. “Awana, these are my new friends! Of course, they’ll never be as close to me as you are.” He was relieved when he noticed that his friend almost swooned at his words. “This is Pumpkin, and Witch, and Ghost, and Frankenstein’s monster, and Bat, and Cat. Guys, say hello to Awana!”
“Oh, um….” Jonathan sounded guilty. “Awana, these are my new friends! Of course, they’ll never be as close to me as you are.” He was relieved when he noticed that his friend almost swooned at his words. “This is Pumpkin, and Witch, and Ghost, and Frankenstein’s monster, and Bat, and Cat. Guys, say hello to Awana!”
“Hey, Awana.” The tone of their voices betrayed their
lack of excitement.
“Great,” Ghost whispered to Pumpkin. “Another mouth to feed.”
“Ghost, you don’t even eat!” Pumpkin looked at him. “As a matter of fact, I don’t, either! And
our journey is only a couple miles. It’s
not like we have to trek across a vast country and scrounge up rations so we
can survive just one more day.”
“Keep telling yourself that, Pumpkin.”
“So, Johnny boy,” Awana addressed the boy, swaying in a
romantic fashion. The blood from her
knee was now pooling on the street.
“What are you guys up to?”
“We’re going on an adventure!” he told her, thrilled to
be able to say it to someone whose opinion mattered so much to him. “We’re traveling to the mountains and stopping
an evil man from destroying something that is very precious to me…and to
you. And to millions of kids and
childish adults everywhere!”
“And what would that be?”
“A holiday. Did
you know that there is a holiday today?”
Awana sighed. “Johnny,
didn’t we talk about this earlier? You know, in part one of this story? No, I
would know if today was a holiday. I’m
all about holidays. Go…Thanksgiving! Woot!”
The Halloween friends shook their heads and continued
their northward march. Jonathan
laughed. “No, today is supposed to be a
holiday called Halloween. But no one in
this town knows that. On this holiday,
you dress up in a wild costume and go door to door….”
“Like a traveling prostitute?”
“Um…no, not quite.
You dress up like something spooky.
A ghost, a demon, a dead cheerleader, et cetera. Then you go door to door, and adults give you
candy after you say, ‘Trick or treat!’”
“That sounds like a good way to get kidnapped.” Awana looked worried. “And if not, then can’t adults easily poison
the candy?”
Jonathan looked thoughtful. “Maybe that’s
why I had symptoms strangely similar to food poisoning after trick-or-treating
a few years ago….Anyway, you have to trust me.
Kids everywhere dress up and go out together at night, and have an
awesome time walking around and getting candy.
It’s been a part of our culture for so long, and now this evil jerk has
stolen the Halloween spirit from everyone in town! I need to stop him. Are you with me?”
She drew close to him and touched his arm. “Johnny boy, you’re making me all…excited
with your brave words and talk of such a dangerous holiday. Of course I’m with you! Let’s stop this guy
and get Halloween back!”
“Yeah!” Johnny cried, holding Ms. Unicorn high in the
air.
“You brought Ms. Unicorn? Good God, Johnny, you mean
business, don’t you?”
“You know it.” He grinned, and then brought the toy back
down to waist level. “Well, if you’re
going to come with us, we need to get going.
My friends are already at the field.”
“One second, please!’ she exclaimed, and she ran back
toward her house. “I’m just going to
grab a band-aid and a first-aid kit. And
maybe a cast.”
“I’ll be here,” said Jonathan. “And when you’re done, we’ll take the fight
to Professor Apo!”
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